the ex text

well there are a couple different ways to take this one, but either way, Im sick of it.

you broke up w/ your bf, or he callously dumped your ass (even though you are probably the best he'll ever do, let's face it) and you should now be concentrating on getting over it, moving on, and finding a new beautiful boy! But Instead, you are playing the ex text game. well, the ending to this one is pretty much always gonna be, YOU LOSE! but we are women and we can't help it, we play anyway.

scenario 1- He dumped your ass:

it's sad, it sucks, but youre probably better off. we know that, you probably do too deep down in the very darkest, bottom corner of that wilting soul of yours, you just dont want to admit it. and that's fine. we've all seen 500 Days Of Summer . you also dont want to admit that you are anything but over it (though you tell everyone you know that you are. it's what we do) and you are secretly staring at your phone in the hopes of somehow manifesting a text from him by the power of the universe. It's fine, we've all heard of The Secret. This self-destructive behavior continues on and on until one day, when you are taking a brief break from your busy text-checking schedule, because youve been distracted by a total hottie youve just spotted and youve started thinking "shit! maybe this could be my new bf! we'd have such beautiful children!", it happens. You get the ex text.  Of course, it's usually something meaningful and touching that hits you right in that ex-shaped hole in your heart and immediately wraps you right back around their fucking little finger. Something like, "hey."  "what's up?" or god forbid, "what are you doing?".
 Holy shit! he wants to know what Im doing?? He still cares! He said hey! what do i do???

and so the game begins.

Youve forgotten about the hottie and your future children. Now youre back in full blown ex text mania.

Do you text back? Do you wait and hour and then text back? Do you respond with something that will make him think youre totally busy and over it so he'll be jealous and come crawling back?????

It is no easy thing to deal with. So you do what you know you shouldnt do (and of course you dont tell any of your friends until like 2-3 days later cuz you know theyll give you shit) and you text back. 

here's the beginning to your loss.

He now knows youre still into him, so he'll play the game too. He'll text you a couple more times, with a nice gap in between, making you crazy. Then just when you think youre getting somewhere, like maybe he's gonna ask you out? maybe he's gonna come over???

he says something like "k later" or "Kyle just got here, ttyl" or worst of all "k have a good night".

Have a good night?? How the hell do you expect me to do that now?!

You lose! 

Scenario 2- you did this:

You know there was a damn good reason why you broke it off. but now that youre not hearing from him like you used to, and when you do, he sounds fine (what? he's not crying or contemplating suicide over the loss of meeeee???) you begin to pathetically check your phone every few minutes, hoping to see the ex text. and much like in scenario 1,  just when you finally change your playlist from "Our Songs" to "All The Single Ladies" and you decide to go out with the girls and thank god you did cuz you spot a babe at the bar and start to think, 'damn, im so glad im single!', it happens. You get the ex text. It's usually the same thoughtful text as scenario 1, but in this scenario, you could get more than "hey". You could get the big one! the "miss you". 

FUCK!

well, there goes girl's night. You gotta rush home now! you gotta reapply your make up and fix your hair and put on his favorite pair of panties just in case he says he wants to see you!

and so it begins.

Now in this one, you might get a few of those texts that were exactly what you wanted to hear. Then you get it in your head that maybe you made a mistake and maybe you two should get back together. He wants to.

doesnt he??

well, you get so caught up in the ex text game that you go from "the one" to "RUNNNN!" in a flash. You start texting him  "good morning" and sending him picture messages of the pie you made (it was his favorite kind). Maybe you even sneak a call in here and there. You text little things you guys used to say to each other and tell him details of your day. then his texts begin to decrease which of course makes you text even more.  but then you have to play the game. wait an hour to reply. or only reply with a one word answer with a period at the end instead of an exclamation mark to show youre serious. oooo yea, that'll get him!

but you end up over texting. you text and text and text, (what's wrong with that? you're friends, right?? uh, WRONG!) cuz finally,  he doesnt text you back. he stops. no texts. or worse, only a one word text with a period at the end!

thats when you know. You killed it. it's over. You Lose.

so to sum it up, the ex text is shit. no matter how the ex text game is played, it fucking sucks and youre always gonna lose 

and for the love of god and all that is holy,

I am so sick of it!