Day after day after day, I wake up and spend several hours doing what, to most spectators, would appear to be absolutely nothing. I lay in bed, do stuff on my laptop, watch TV, and eat. What I'm actually doing is physically and mentally prepping myself for the workday that lies ahead. No, I'm not in construction or the medical field but believe me, it is no easy feat dealing with the total twats I encounter all through my shift. So I spend my morning and early day uneasily watching the clock until the dreaded 2 O'clock hour rolls around. This is when I have to, against all my will, stop doing nothing and get ready for work.
It is amazing how I will be in a dandy mood all day, listening to my music, smiling, feeling pretty damn good, until the MOMENT I step foot in my hell- I mean workplace. That instant, that smile turns into a snarl, that good feeling washes away, and all I can think is, "I have to do something with my life".
I bitterly put on my name tag and clock in. I unenthusiastically walk over to my register and begin to pretend that I give a shit about the person on the other side's day, which I won't lie, I don't even really pretend I do. I robotically repeat "Hi. How are you? Have a good one." when really Im thinking "Hi. I don't care. Get out of my face".
On occasion, I get a nice customer who I don't wish paralyzation or death upon, and they drag a smile or a laugh out of me. But for the most part, it is nothing but indecent, incapable, hideous, disgusting, disrespectful, rude, incompetent excuses for human beings. They treat us like we're hollow humans who don't deserve an ounce of respect or dignity simply because we are on the other side of the cash register. They walk in the store and without even turning their heads they ask, "where is (insert desired item here)?" to which i have to think, Jesus, did you even TRY??
I have to play guessing games, trying to decode their spanglish or armenienglish. "you have eet taco brrrread eeen chhhere? I get llast veeeek". WHAT?!
I have to teach them how to swipe their black credit cards or manually enter their probably counterfeited food stamp cards so that I can watch them undeservingly purchase the finer things in life and then "happily" help them to their BMWs.
I have to clean up the trash they leave throughout the store like an Easter egg hunt and look happy when they spend the entire transaction speaking to their blutooth.
Then I get complained about for things like "she told me this was an express lane" or "she didn't ask me how my day was" by these people who obviously have nothing better going on in their pointless lives and then get lectured about "being better" by one of my 20 bosses because they never stick up for us to these already self-righteous assholes. Again, I'm supposed to listen to them and admit to being in the wrong or apologize for my "ill behavior" because we are there to "win the customer over". Truthfully, I could give a fuck about them, they probably deserved the treatment I gave them, I'm not sorry, and I'm actually secretly flipping you off in my mind as well.
And it isn't just the customer aspect of the job that drives me to depression. It's more the fact that I am not doing something better with my life. I'm always embarrassed to say where I work and what I do. I'm nearly 30, and this is all I have to show for it? I know that I'm talented. I know that I have the creative abilities to do better and do something I can say Im proud to do. Im so sick of wasting away at this mindless, stupid job while I see people my age or younger doing what I dream to do and loving their lives.
I suppose the fault is only my own. I need to stop bitching about it and do something already. But it's not that easy. Money, health insurance, security. Those are all unfortunate factors that stand in the way of leaping into my own business.
So I guess until I get the guts to make the break and take the plunge, I will continue to hate my job, dream of ways to get out, think evil thoughts about the trolls I deal with, and dread the 2 o'clock hour.
which is sadly approaching now...
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